I HAVE A NEW LIVEJOURNAL.

next_muffin 

Add me if you'd like to be added, etc.

Got annoyed with this one, so starting over. Yeah.

(username is reference to amazing Ross Noble sketch, courtesy of oldstarnewshine )

So they want me to come in on Monday, not today, for my T2. So ok, I'll make quota then. Lydia (director/boss) said that I'd probably have a better chance of doing well then, so hopefully they'll send me to a more generous area? Heh.

Just as long as they don't make me come in earlier on Tuesday (assuming I make staff)...... second injection, 9:30am, sub-q lesson.

So I have the day off. Things I'll do today:
-LAUNDRY
-Get account at video place
-Reeaaaad.
-Get a belt? I need a belt. My pants were falling down yesterday.

Things I need to do, assuming I get staff:
-get a Monthly TransPass
-call mother and ask for her to send me the slow-cooker thing. Because I like being able to dump things in a pot and let it cook until I get home.

Hmm. Or I can take a trip down Bainbridge St, esp since Philly AIDS Thrift is there and I can get a belt. Hah. Well I'll do the video store/belt first, and then come back and do laundry and lunch and stuff. Yeah.

Ughhhh I just want to know if I have a joooooob.

So I didn't make quota. I got about half. I still have tomorrow, though. And hopefully they'll send me to a nicer neighborhood, since they seem to like me....

Houses I visited: 63 (goal: 65)
Houses with people whom I spoke to: 41 (goal: 40)
Amount raised: $50 (goal: $115)

This one woman went on this whole rant to me about how she grew up in Nazi Germany, and that's why she's supportive. She was very nice. Another person interrogated me for a while about a whole bunch of shit before giving me money. This is all very awkward, still. It's very hard not to feel very selfish. But I am indeed enjoying speaking to all of these people. I've had some great conversations with some of them.....

Lara (with whom I was "buddy canvassing") didn't so much..... got some asshole who had a big Jesus on a Crucifix sticker picture thing on his door, but then was in full support of torture. Uhh?

I love my (hopefully??) coworkers, though. They're fantastic. Today I was with Lydia, Lara, Dan, and Dasha, we drove to Princeton. Fucking NJ. Whatever. But the banter going on, particularly between Lara, Dan, and Dasha, it was great. Must add "dumb ass motherfucker" (DAMF?) to my list of insults, haha.

And then afterwards we got back to the office to sort out the donations and stuff, and Lara has the fantastic idea to duct tape clipboards to her hands and play ping pong.... which Jordan does.... and he found a white board eraser to be a ball.... and the three of us played a weird sort of baseball/ping pong type game with the eraser..... it was pretty fantastic. Oh, another thing to add to the list of things I should say: "If you were a hoagie, I'd smother you in mayonnaise" (if someone has very dry humour, lol)

The two of them also came up with probably the BEST twss I've ever heard: "Keep it up, guys." Simple, but..... amazing.

Also, I might finally be getting back the definition I had in my arms from during the semester? Heh. Since I stopped going to weight lifting 'cause of tech week(s), and then I lost it.... but I've started up some daily exercises again, so that'll be good....

So I had my first day today. ( It went really well! )

I've also so far read Blasted and Phaedra's Love by Sarah Kane. I actually really like Phaedra's Love. It kinda had a very asexual feel to it, almost, even though it's all about Hyppolitus having sex with everyone. oldstarnewshine you should read this, I think you'd really like it. It's very.... to the point. I think that's what I like about it, it doesn't make excuses and it just lays everything out in the open, and it assumes that the issues in the play (like incest, rape) are as common as (unfortunately) they probably are.

I started Cleansed, but I don't think I'll be able to finish it. I got to the part where Tinker starts shoving the pole up Carl's anus and I had to stop. We'll see if I continue.... (Besides, all I can think of is, "I know you, you're a tinker; sirrah tinker, Stop no more holes but what you should...")

Of course 4.48 Psychosis is the one I'm the most eager to read, though that's last, so yeah.

Can't sleep. Read some Sarah Kane around 4am. Wrong play, though - "Blasted," not "4.48 Psychosis." Lol. Summary/reaction/whatever tomorrow when I'm more conscious?

Made cocoa with milk. Yay. Also tried to figure out schedule for THC. Cool stuff. Oh, and my NJ therapist, Dr. O'Connor, is the key-note speaker. That's pretty cool. This is the person who said that, if I'm going to cut myself, I should do it in a recurring pattern and not in arbitrary directions, so the scarring won't look too horrible/weird/whatever. Heh.

I'll try sleep again now. Really confused about when I should show up for work. Will go at earliest time - 1pm. (Other times were 1:30, 1:45, and 2.) And I have books. I can continue with the next play in the Sarah Kane collection - "Phaedra's Love" - or the next Cirque du Freak book - The Vampire's Assistant - or the French book I was planning on reading next, Le Tartuffe. 'cause apparently whats-her-face is a badass mother. Yeah.

I've got the "rap" pretty much memorized. That's good. Hopefully I'll remember it tomorrow. I'll just imagine Mr. Wittmaack sitting in front of me, glaring, yelling that I should be honoured to have the opportunity to deliver this "rap," most actors dream of-- oh, wait. Well he can just glare at me. Oh, Wittmaack.

I ran into Anna Melton today! That was nice. She lives like two blocks away from me.... I don't really know her that well but it'd be nice to do dinner or something together. I also visited the main Philadelphia library, which is a few blocks from City Hall....

oh shit it's gorgeous. I was in there for like two hours 'cause I couldn't stop staring at everything. The inside of the building is just as beautiful as the outside of the building..... there are these huge wide steps that lead up to the top floor (I wonder if anyone treats them like the art museum steps, like Rocky? lol), and a statue of the founder Dr. William Pepper at the top...... hehehe Dr Pepper

So I got a whole bunch of books. Their French literature collection is not that big, but still existent. Most of the books are translated, though there are a few untranslated..... the ones that I did not take out today are much longer/harder, so I can always go back for those if I finish these. Still got a shit-ton of books, though.

--George's Secret Key to the Universe, Lucy + Stephen Hawking (because, dude, YA scifi by Stephen Hawking. Yes please.)
--Hikaru no Go vol. 1, Yumi Hotta ('cause I'm in the mood for some manga)
--Complete Plays (Blasted, Phaedra's Love, Cleansed, Crave, 4.48 Psychosis, Skin), Sarah Kane (because between Ilana and omnivorously talking about her but also taking out ALL of the books in Canaday.... aha I'd been waiting to find a copy for a while.)
--Correct your French Blunders, Veronique Mazet (because I've pretty much forgotten things like conditionnel/subjonctif, except for what's in that scene from The History Boys. "Je veux m'entendre sur le lit!" "Je voudrais m'entendre sur le lit! I would like to stretch out on the bed!")
--Le Tartuffe, Moliere (because the only thing of his that I've read was that little monologue from L'avare that they recite in the film L'Argent de Poche.... though I do need to find School for Husbands sometime before shinjokitty does it....)
--Choose Your Own Adventure - Tattoo of Death + Silver Wings, R A Montgomery (hehehehe. The former is in a martial arts gang, which is hilarious enough. XD The other is on a plane..... there may or may not be snakes and/or Snape....)
--Cirque du Freak 1+2, Darren Shan (This was one of my absolute favourite series when I was younger! It was all dark and scary and awesome! These vampires do NOT sparkle. And will probably eat you if you ask them if they do.)
--Lancelot, Chretien de Troyes (Epic poems FTW! It has both the original French and translated English, which is nice. Excited for this one.)
--Candide, Voltaire (I read this in English a while ago, but never in French, though I've been meaning to. I also need to eventually see the musical, haha.... Because Glitter and Be Gay is hilarious...but then again it's Kristen Chenoweth..... XD)

Next time I go, I want to invade their children's music collection (they have Beethoven's Wig 2!!!) and also their untranslated children's literature. Maybe I can pick up some German picturebooks and start early? Or even Hebrew, that'd be nice.

ALSO I'm making "stock food" for myself..... things that are already prepared and I just have to cook them. Right now I have several packages of things like frozen drumsticks. Another time I can make hamburgers.....And of course I have things like ramen and frozen dinners as a last resort. :) (As always, thank you, alexparker !!!)

ALSO ALSO, can anyone teach me how to make gifs? I have decided that I need an icon of Darth Vader looking around and nodding during the award ceremony of the Dancing with the Star Wars Stars 2008. Or even from the dance itself. Hell yeah.

Getting a little bit unstable. You can make fun of me for what I'm about to say next..... I'm not sure if it's just me or the T. When I talked with the social worker at Mazzoni, she warned me that I would feel really great the first week and then slump very quickly until the next injection. Perhaps a sign that I should indeed eventually change from 200mg/mL / 2wk to 100mg/mL / 1wk? To make the interval smaller, etc etc. I mean, I have valid reasons to not be feeling well right now, but whatever.

Instead I've been looking for ways to practice French, plus watching ST: TOS. I found some audio recordings of Ionesco and his friends reading out loud La Lecon and La Cantatrice Chauve. I read the former a few weeks ago, it was great. We read an excerpt from the latter in French class - the scene where they're lamenting the lack of jobs and the economy but they decide to end on a happy note - "Mais il y a du sucre!" (But at least there's sugar!) Started listening to La Lecon, and I've been understanding it pretty well, which is awesome. My audio comprehension really sucks. Unless if it's the French dub of Phantom of the Opera, because I've seen that so many times I could recite it....

I haven't been eating too well, either. Horribly, really. I mean I get very hungry very easily, and I'm used to having three huge meals a day when I can, but I just.... can't get up to make myself food. I don't know if it's that I'm lazy or that it doesn't seem "important" or whatever. I need to change that. Hopefully getting into a daily work schedule will help.

I'm extremely nervous for Tuesday. I haven't started to learn the rap or search the ACLU website yet. Talking to a bajillion people every day about torture? That's..... so unbelievably depressing. Plus, the Summer Institute for the Gifted (SIG) is hiring. I went there one summer. I'd be a great counselor. They provide lodging..... I'm not sure how that would work out with my subletter (or my mother!!!), but it would be a great summer, methinks.

Ugh, this spaghetti really needs sauce, it's so bland. Salt's doing nothing for it. Ok, there's some sauce in the fridge. I don't use much, hopefully they won't mind? And I just put it into the collindar..... I made way too small of a portion for myself. Ugh. I'll see how I'm feeling after I eat this much. Cooking fail.

Cut for length:

( work/canvassing/ACLU )

( weekend with Mari/King Lear )

( STAR TREK: TOS )

Ok, I also need to get back onto a regular eating schedule. I've been eating really badly lately. And I can't...... develop anything. At least my leg is pretty much all better?

Oh, also, there was one post (cap; flocked) at debunkingmale that kinda rubbed me the wrong way, so I commented (shinjokitty  helped!), but I was scared that it might make some people angry, but it was actually very well-received. Yay! Which makes me feel a lot better.... I'm used to only doing those kinds of replies on AVEN, and I still get nervous about other communities/environments. It hit kinda close to home - because I do that way too much. Not with regards to breaking down privilege, but just.... speaking in general. To everyone. (My therapist called it my super-ego working overtime. Lol for Freud reference.) So it was partially advice to him and partially advice to me. *shrug*    But yeah.

Also - Dear George. Please stop trying to crawl up the side of your tank. You're a turtle, not Spiderman. At least I'm assuming so. Does this mean you want food? (Tank is up against wall, food is on window ledge, window is above the tank, George is trying to climb up the wall below the window.) Urgh.

EDIT to get rid of implied sexual activity with Mari? Which obviously doesn't exist; she's too busy with Madi and Kathy. ;)    *is joking, of course*

Dear AVEN, thank you for reminding me how much of an angry person I can be sometimes.

Considering leaving again? If anything for my peace of mind, heh. And extreme annoyance with all of the newb JFF-spammers. I mean, seriously.

Swelling is almost gone, though there's still pain. Called up doctor at Mazzoni - said it was normal, just take painkillers and it'll be fine soon. Also going to teach me subcutaneous injections, instead of intramuscular. Awesome. Way too happy about how "subcutaneous" is one of the words in David Ives's A Singular Kinda Guy (video doesn't include the part I'm talking about).... Oh, I remember articulating that word. I wish I had a video of that performance. Right around the time I was coming out as trans, and my mother freaked out, haha. Oh, David Ives.

Excited about NYC and shinjokitty tomorrow, though very nervous about navigating the R7/NJ Transit trains.

Pretty good mood lately, though a little shaky. Still need to find a summer therapist, though. Will look.... later....

Actually, it's still pretty swollen, but it seems to be.... spreading out. I'll take that as a good thing. Will take a shower? Sounds like a good idea.

Should make a list of things that I need to (re)watch at some point.
-Airplane!
-Blazing Saddles
-Star Trek: The Original Series
-The Royal Tenembaums
-Fight Club
-X-Men trilogy (particulalry the third, for lulz)
-All of the whatshisname magician parodies :D :D :D
There are more, I just can't remember them.

EDIT: YAY I have something to do tonight that's not lounging on my bed doing nothing. XD Bryn Mawr with people, yay. Bike time!

( cut for more grades )
I did my first volunteer shift at the farm today. It was a lot of fun!! I didn't do any planting, though, since it was getting too sunny. I weeded a plot and wheelbarrowed compost over to it and spread it out and helped definte the bed. It's eventually going to be tomatoes! The people there were very nice, and I look forward to going back..... even if my leg hates me now. It's swelling a little bit, and I'm not sure why that is. I'm going to give it until tomorrow before I call up Mazzoni.....

Very excited for Friday/Saturday - probably going to NYC to see shinjokitty and the production she's teching for, King Lear. Which I really need to read before I see it...

Still feeling really happy about conversation with Ellie last night. Oh, I missed her a lot. I never realized how much of an impression I had on AVEN. XD When I returned in April (then left again until last week), my first post was a slightly angry one in the Gender Discussion subforum, which still scares me. So yeah.

Mood is generally higher than it was over the weekend (still, sorry about that).... still thinking about SI and stuff, but not in as urgent a way. Watching a lot of Eurovision videos, haha. Watching Alexander Rybak perform just... makes me happy, because it's so nice to see people get really into performing music. It's fantastic.

In other news, filiadei77 had the best idea, if my voice doesn't stop cracking by the end of fall semester.... audition for the part of Hamlet, but play him as an angsty preteen, haha.

Tomorrow: walk up and down South St, whoohoo. For dinner, spaghetti? Don't want to do grocery shopping until after NYC if it happens.

( cut for medical stuff )

( cut for grades )  Also, does anyone know if it's a common request to see a prof's reaction/comments/whatever to a final? I really would like to see what Morgan has to say about my paper and Prof Lima about the documentary (if anything).

Whooo.

OK. BEST NEW RECIPE EVER. FOR A SNACK AND STUFF.

1 banana
peanut butter
jelly
spoon
bowl

Cut the banana in half. Put it in the bowl. Put a scoop of peanut butter on the banana. Put two scoops of jelly on the peanut butter. Eat like an ice cream sunday.

IT'S REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD.

Thank you to my crazy Californian/Canadian AVENite friend.

Next up: peanut butter ice cream (friend's other favourite food.....)

( Another List of Books )

In other news, tried to get an account with the movie rental place, couldn't - I need a credit card, which I don't have. wtf? Is that common? Oh, and the guy called me "ma'am." Lovely.

Got a banana. Will make smoothies later? Or, I can make an ice cream soda.... that sounds good, actually.

Dinner, A Wrinkle in Time, and maybe the rest of X-Men: Evolution? Or another movie? DBZ, Serial Experiments Lain.....

Finished reading We. On the whole, it was an excellent book, but I did have a lot of problems with it. Especially how the narrator, D-503, only became involved and invested in the revolutionary group (Mephi - I do appreciate the name :D) because he was in love with their leader, I-330. He definitely discussed which mentalities were better, etc, but he didn't do it in a logical context, which would seem more true to his character, since he's a mathematician and very devoted to reason, logic, etc. I mean, something similar goes on in Nineteen Eighty-Four (which was inspired by We), but Winston already was thinking about some sort of rebellion, which was only made stronger by falling in love with Julia....

Obviously I'm all for character growth, the adoption of more "correct" mentalities, wanting to overthrow the dystopia they've thought was a utopia... but I'd rather that character growth be strong and valid and logical and generally make sense, as opposed to the more or less random switch-over D-503 does.

But, I did like a lot of things about it. The prose. The prose was so gorgeous (no, this isn't Faulkner). And funny, at times! I also found it really interesting that all of the people have letter-number combination names (as shown before), and people are often referred to by just their letter (as with U, O, R, S....), and people physically resemble their letter at times (O and S especially), yet, as citizens, they're called Numbers. I thought that was really cool.

But, because I have some time before I plan on making dinner, I want to go through all of the subletter's books and make a list of the ones I would like to read....

( Behold, a list! )

Today has definitely been an up and down day. Glad to be reading We - will finish tomorrow. Sorry things ended on a down note. Oh well. Hopefully will wake up feeling better and... better. Ugh. And things seemed to be going so well. Unless if it's all just in my head. I'll bet it is. Fucking head.

Fuck, it's warm. Have two fans. Yay.

We interrupt this really sucky week for a mandated HAPPY POST.

Got the name change papers today. Gotta fill those out, mail them in, do some other stuff, have a court date.... and everything's set. Mom's even "adjusting," too. Though she'll only call me Charles or CR. Which I don't have a problem with, of course, I'm just amused. And when we were going through the metal detector, the guy operating it must've thought I was 12 or something, he called me "chief." Which I thought was kinda sweet, haha. Like when the guy playing Polonius in Allyson's production of Hamlet called me "son." 

Visited Stockton and TCNJ today. Stockton is.... all in one building. It's a huge building, but just one. Needless to say, TCNJ is my top choice..... even if I'm wondering if I'm going to get in at all. Whatever.

Uhhhhhh, oh, I saw Star Trek tonight. It wasn't the greatest ever, but I needed something with action and comedy and it delivered, so yeah. And it was much better than seeing Teeth..... :P

Speaking of comedy, Year One...... cavemen + Romans + Biblical stories = lolwut

Really excited for the summer. Kinda defeats the purpose, but I'm especially excited about visiting tianar and shinjokitty and seeing their Shakespeare productions.

Speaking of them, I saw a book the other day by Simon Winchester, and.... man, I don't even watch the show. XD

Tomorrow is the dentist and a visit with the surgeon who put me through the "major, traumatic surgery" I had.

Also, first email/task/thing from Grassroots Campaigns - it's this briefing from the ACLU about the things that they're planning. But... it's over the phone? Is this common? Wouldn't it just be easier to write a description and maybe email it out? Especially since it seems that they're not encouraging asking questions (telling us to put our phones on mute). Well, I don't think I can "attend" anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm still going to be out visiting schools at that time. Whatever. I'm sure I'll be updated once I start in June.

Yesterday evening I arrived at home, and went to a dance at my high school, hosted by the French Club. So it was pretty fun. I got to goof off with Alex (whom I haven't seen for months!) and Dan and Greg and Kathleen and everyone, and it was a lot of fun. Except I was also reminded of how horrible my high school is, too..... I met this one girl, a freshman named Caren, who approached me 'cause Mike has mentioned me a bunch of times. She started telling me how she's out as bi, but how everyone teases and harasses her for it. (Of the shouting-in-the-hallway variety.) And, I mean, I tried suggesting a few things, but.... I was too horrified to give anything substantial. I hate my high school. And I consider myself extremely lucky that I wasn't harassed when I was there (I came out as a lesbian as a sophomore, and as trans halfway through senior year. And I know that people talked about me behind my back when I came out as trans, but nothing to my face.) And.... I just don't know what to do. I want to help her, I want to perform violent acts on the rest of the school, and I told her she could call me if she needs to talk or anything (though I have to find her on Facebook, first, so I can give her my number, haha), but.... I don't know what else to do. People who are actually at LHS right now (....I think that's only ankeelv2 ? Am I missing people?), could you, y'know, help out? Be nice? 

Oh, and watching Priscilla, Queen of the Desert afterwards maybe wasn't the best choice... Bryan started teasing Kathleen about liking the movie, being attracted to them, lololol, until I yelled, "Bryan, shut up," and he did. Which was nice. As was dancing with Kathleen at the dance, aww. She reminded me how to, uh, I think we foxtrotted? And then I foxtrotted with Kristen, who is an adorable freshman.

Oh. My mother wants me to transfer for fall 09, instead of fall 10. Which, well, is impossible, as the deadline for transfer apps was in February. But she's going to ask about it anyway, and they're going to tell her that I can transfer for spring 10, which I don't want to do....  (We're visiting the schools on Monday, I think.)

I can't wait for Thursday. When I move into the apartment. Though, it's a little embarassing, but I'm really nervous, actually. Since I've never lived by myself before (obviously camp/dorm doesn't count). Especially in terms of feeding myself, since I really don't know how to cook. But I got a cookbook, and I'm going to ask Louisa and other people to teach me a few recipes. I'll.... figure it out as I go.

Oh, and I have to look at that website. Sarahe mentioned volunteering at an urban farm in West Philly, and I want to look into doing that. Because I really like plants! And gardening! So that'll be fun!

Tomorrow is Epic Discussion with mother about hormones, etc. Ugh. And visiting LE with oldstarnewshine , which will be hilarious, I hope.

( cut for ambiguity )
I'm almost finished packing. I have all of my boxes and crap lined along the wall outside of my room. Just have to put away a few small things like a box of tacks, shoes, headphones...

Tonight I'm going over to Philly to bring my summer stuff there. It's kind of weird, seeing everything I'm going to have for the summer packed inside of one suitcase.... not that I mind or anything. I also discovered that I had brought a box of chalk at the beginning of the year, maybe I can draw things on the sidewalk with people.

I'm taking a break from packing to go over the essay I finished last night before I leave. I'm actually kinda proud of it, considering I didn't read either of the two books, yet I still went over the maximum page limit.... I found a really great essay that I used in the paper, I'm probably going to share it on Facebook.

Maddi coming over was really fun. And I'm really glad that she got along with everyone so well. We watched the most epic trilogy ever - The Matrix, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the King. Well, we only got through half of the last movie, since it was 2am and Audra and Rachel had already left, and Leah and Zoe kept on falling asleep (they were really adorable XD).

I talked to Ilana for about ten minutes before, on Facebook chat. It was really nice! And, well, I don't know if it was awkward for her, but it was for me.... just because, well, yeah. But I really liked it. And I told her about the documentary and we talked about movie-making and it was great. And I'm psyched about hopefully talking to Caitlin tonight. Next project, though - email to Jessy.

Oh, and moving my desk back to where it was. That'll be fun. I think Allyson's dad helped me last time? I don't think I had met Chris (her mom's boyfriend? fiance? dunno) at that point, yet.

For once, I'm very anxious to go home. Not because that means I'll be around my mother, but because I'll be away from here..... and 'cause I'll get to see people like Greg, the Kathleens, Mike, Liz, etc.....

( cut for possibly TMI things? )

Elizabeth and I are nearly done with the documentary. I'm actually really pleased with it. We already previewed it for Liz, Danielle, and Madi, though of course we still have to fix the title cards and if we want the information cards from that website.... they even laughed at a few times! Like Prof Cohen going, "What, are you testing my knowledge or something?" (in our "what's a gender neutral pronoun?" section), or Caitlin shouting, "And anyway, using he to refer to everyone is STUPID!, and misogynistic, and STUPID!" (though unfortunately we had to cut after the first "stupid"....)

And, the end is great.... here's a summary of the last few clips:

Caitlin/Michelle: If you want culture to evolve, you have to let language evolve.
Beckmann: You can't impose things on the English language.
Caitlin/Michelle: Slang is coming pretty close, anyway!
Beckmann: We're talking about physics, here! (yeah, direct quotation)
Anne Dalke: *blows raspberry at camera*
Becky: *joking, after giving her name to camera* Oh, is that it? All right, we're done!
-end-

Research websites tomorrow morning, finish actual editing tomorrow, get hard copy and hand in to prof by Friday, and subtitle for general distribution over the weekend? Sounds good.

Now to work on that stupid paper. Ugh. I might pull an all-nighter, just to finish this tonight? I should go get some coffee, then....